Dum ditty dum ditty dum dum dum....

"I wrote myself a part and went straight to the top. I recommend that to anyone." Ricky Gervais (British Comedian)

Recently I have had a friendship come into my life with someone I've known for a long time. I'll call him Chief. Chief is an enthusiastic person who realized at a much younger age than most of us, what it is he wanted to do when he grew up. He on some level always knew he would be Chief. He didn't get their instantly, but by simply doing what he loved and doing what felt good he has now found himself in a place of incredible energy flowing towards him and with him.

When the time was perfect, and timing is always perfect, Chief began to beat his own rhythm. As he is finding, people with a similar rhythm start to gather around him and join in creating the most awe inspiring flow of energy in the same direction. Now, Chief may not consciously realize he is doing this but for me, its so much fun to watch. Chief is going to find that as long as he follows his bliss, what he loves, and keeps beating the drum to his own rhythm, people whose drums beat a similar rhythm will flock to him. The people attracted to the light that is streaming through him will all fall in line, opportunities will present themselves, and life experience will continue to be an endless stream of joy and success. At the same time, people in his life whose rhythms are not in time with his own will be repelled by the discord and will fall away - some will be repelled quietly and some will protest but fall away they will. It is uncomfortable to live with the noise, with light shining in their darkness. That is okay. They need to find their own rhythm in their own time.

Some people are stuck in the land of missed opportunity and do not realize it. They live their present moment regretting the decision they made in the previous one. This is a vicious cycle because they forever miss the present opportunity because of excessive focus on past or future. Light comes into the present moment, doing what you love channels this energy and creates more of it. More people, more energy, more opportunity, more joy and with it more material success. The most fortunate thing about this path is that the material success is secondary to the joy of doing and being. People who chase the material success without the bliss of doing will tire themselves out chasing. Maybe that's where the term "rat race" came from because they spin their wheels with the throngs of others perplexed at how a seemingly few got ahead and out of the race.

Writing this, I just thought of one of the books I read to my son frequently and it just took on a whole new meaning in this moment. An "ah ha!" moment. I love it when that happens! The story starts with one monkey happily drumming a drum and by the end of the book millions have joined into the rhythm. Along the way, there is material success with "rings on fingers" and "hand picks an apple." Monkeys with compatible instruments join in the rhythm with banjos and fiddles. But in the end the leading monkey is still blissfully beating his drum because that is where his joy of being resides.

"One hand two hands drumming on a drum

Dum ditty dum ditty dum dum dum"

... progressing to

"Hand in Hand More Monkeys Come"

...culminating with

"Millions of Fingers and Millions of Thumbs, Millions of Monkeys drumming on drums."

Dum Ditty Dum Ditty Dum Dum Dum

Chief, I am so proud of what you are doing and I am so grateful that your light reaches all the way to Rhode Island.

Crazy Day and Rachael Ray

I finally posted a blog that I originally wrote in January so you need to look in the January file for it. I can't get it to post here and don't feel like figuring out why. 

Five People

I read somewhere a while ago that we are most like or become like the five people with whom we spend the most time. That's really profound, if you think about it. It makes me stop and think about how and with whom I choose to associate and to what level. I value depth, creative ideas, and people who are genuine. Some people are as deep as a puddle, totally content with the status quo, or offer fake politeness but would happily turn and mock you when you turn your back. Of the latter type, I can forgive them. I don't choose to spend time with them but I understand that they are only displaying in full view to the world their own insecurity with themselves. I am bored by the status quo keepers and oceans inspire me, not puddles.

I value my husband for his openness, loyalty, integrity, and most of all his stark contrast to myself. He has two feet planted firmly in the ground of logic and reason. If it weren't for that tether to common sense, I could easily float away with my own philosophical musings. I value that the tether is more like a bungee cord so that I never feel confined, judged, or oppressed, simply reminded that not everyone can follow my thought process.

I have a best female friend that I value for unbelievable listening skills, gift of validation, and unequalled level of compassion for others. She inspires me to become more thoughtful, careful, a better listener, and to try to leave the world a better place in whatever way I feel is right.

I have recently made a new friend, or as the BFF would say, I chose her. I was attracted to the beautiful spirit of the new friend based on very little information. But as I am getting to know her, she is proving in every way that my first impression was correct. She is effusively positive, has an uncanny way of always looking at the bright side and expecting the best. She is the perfect living example of the Law of Attraction, and I think, without having ever heard of it. I admire her patience, joyful nature, and value her positive outlook on life.

And of course, I value my son. Children are so pure and connected to their source that they are great mirrors for those around them, as they so often mirror the emotion of the people they are closest too. My son, in his own right, is empathetic, affectionate, and joyful. His love and purity of spirit enriches my life in numerous ways. His very existence inspires me to be a better person.

My mother, while we don't spend a lot of time in close physical proximity inspires me with her ability to not judge. She understands the value in listening and the fine but important line between hearing and fixing. She has allowed me to make my own decisions and learn from my own mistakes. Because she allows independence, I feel more accomplished. There is value to letting your children fail and succeed on their own because it fosters growth and builds self esteem. I hope I can strike the delicate balance between being a hands-off, yet supportive parent of an adult child that she seems to do so naturally.

It feels good to spend time on positive relationships and, by Law of Attraction, more will come if I follow the bliss. Simultaneously, and without any conscious effort, unhealthy relationships will slip away making room for more inspiring people. There are many other positive influences in my world, but I find it comforting to know that if the people I spend time with help shape who I am, then I am going to purposely choose people I admire, value, and who make me a better me by spending time with them. And, just as importantly, I hope I do the same for them.

Spiderwebs

Once upon a time there was a spider. She lay her web carefully, deliberately, and methodically. Her web is put in place for one reason; to trap a fly. She spins and she spins, getting closer and closer to her prey. Her prey is stuck, it resigns to belonging to the spider. The spider is not aware of the thousands upon thousands of other flies in the world, her sights are set solely on the one in her web. The fly tries to flee, but as the web gets tighter, its trickier to escape. The optimal time to escape was long ago, but does that mean he can't?

Energetically the fly is only trapped because he chose and continues to choose to be prey. The fly is free to choose NOT to be prey, and sooner than he thinks possible the webbing would release its hold and he would be free. The energetic vibration of the spider only sees "prey" so as soon as the fly shifts his vibration, every being in relation to the fly must shift to accommodate. The only way anyone in this world is a victim is because they are susceptible to the predator. If the susceptibility is removed, the predator must find a new victim. Of course, our poor fly believes that there is no way out of the web and as long as he holds that belief, that will be his truth. His destiny is laid down clearly, his life will be consumed by the spider.

So I say to the fly: You are the creator of who you are. You can live with purpose and passion or you can live as a victim. It's your right to choose. Are you prey? Or are you free? A flower is a much better choice for landing than a sticky web. You see that flower nearby? The very flower you can see through the tangle of web. The flower will get picked someday. There are other flowers too, and flowers are more hospitable than spiders you know. Your future is your choice and that choice never disappears, no matter how tightly wrapped in web you get. You think the more tightly wrapped in web you get the harder it is to be free? I say, NO! The only thing impeding your escape is your commitment to, or resignation to, being prey. The spider is just doing what works and is not to blame for your decision to be prey. You either are her prey or you aren't. It's your choice. What do you choose fly?

Slaying Dragons

Over the past year I have slain several dragons; undesirable behavioral patterns that were not beneficial to anyone, least of all me. It started the first time I met a gifted homeopath working in RI 2 years ago. My friend who saw her, referred to her as a Sage and I think it is an appropriate term. For 6 months I was skeptical, but the more I read and experimented, the more I realized I needed her help. Always being one for self-evaluation and change, I felt stuck. There were things about myself that I didn't like and, honestly, didn't feel represented who I truly was on the inside. However after several attempts, I was unsuccessful at changing these patterns on my own. I needed something to help me transition, shed the ugly layers of my personality that I grew over my lifetime to reveal someone more like the people I admired. I was so full of judgement, fear, and defense mechanisms. I didn't know how to be open and friendly to people. I wanted to achieve a sense of calmness, clarity, and genuine compassion for others. Of course, with these mental and emotional challenges came unpleasant physical symptoms: because all that ails us physically is directly a result of our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. This is something I have learned to be true through my experience with homeopathy.

Following 8 months of sessions and 2 carefully chosen remedies, I have experienced growth on many levels. I'm no longer in a job I resent or a body I poison with rich and addictive foods. My body is free of unwanted physical symptoms, or dis-ease. Most of the time I experience great clarity in thought, I am able to not "react" to things that are done or said to me but recognize that I am calling my experiences to me. I look for how to grow from negative circumstances instead of being a victim of them. I find it easier not to react to other people but to listen and validate. Granted, I don't do any of this as well as The Sage, but each day I gain more wisdom and clarity and find even greater peace, patience, and love for others.

This is until my husband and partner decided to attempt an adult conversation with me about some of his concerns on the domestic front. He approached me in a healthy and loving way and in a complete departure from the direction I am trying to grow, I, in a phrase, lost my mind. Instead of listening to his concerns, validating his points, and working as a team the way I promised in our wedding vows, I took everything he said as a personal attack and sulked. How's that for clarity and growth? Not exactly my proudest moment.

It made me realize that I do have more dragons to slay. I sit and think about why I get so defensive. And more specifically, why am I such a procrastinator? Why do I hate being micro-managed with "to do" lists (even if I make them myself!) yet also don't know how to accomplish things without them? Why do I so deeply in my core resist my time being structured? Of course, like any normal person, I can first blame my parents. After all, they overdid the control thing a tad during my teen years and I responded with absolute rebellion. However, I'm 32. I cannot blame my parents for my current behavior patterns and responses when I should be adult enough to decide to change them. But can I? We're talking 15-20 years of deeply instilled habits. Rebelling now isn't rebelling against some parental dictatorship over an arbitrarily early curfew, rebellion now is only hurting me and my familiy in the end. I don't know how I am going to right this glitch in my path to wellness, but I am damn sure going to somehow. I think I may need to visit The Sage again, not sure I can take on this beast by myself.

On Compassion

I get daily quotes from the authors of Ask and It is Given. A lot of them resonate for me, but this one is really good. It is this belief that helps me to be a more compassionate person and also to not let myself be affected by the undesirable actions or words of other people.

"These beings, that are acting out in those ways that you find so awful, are tormented and suffering in ways that you will not understand. Their horrible acts are extensions of that pain. We also have to say to you -- no one who is not a vibrational match to that could be their victim." - Abraham- Hicks

I try to remember that when someone does or says something that irritates me. It is a reflection of their own pain, fears, and thoughts. If I can see this quickly enough I am able to respond to them with more compassion than I ever (in years prior) thought I was capable of. I used to be so quick to judge and snap. If I do find myself having an emotional reaction, I need to recognize that that is a susceptibility in ME. It is MY pain, fears, and beliefs in conflict with whatever the other person is putting out there. When I recognize this, which is not always as quickly as I would like, I can recognize that the only reason it bothers me is because my weakness is a perfect match to their pain. If I change my energy - and by that I mean my emotions - around the given subject, my need to react goes away and conflicts are avoided. I am getting better and better at this as time goes on. Recognizing other people's "stuff" or emotional baggage as soon as possible helps me avoid conflict and, actually help them to feel better too. Because then I am not longer reacting to them as I am supporting them to help find a place of feeling better.

Mommy Group

In September I joined a local group on meetup.com comprised of moms in my community. Most people who I told about this, looked at me cock-eyed and offered some variation of, "YOU joined a mom's group?" Implication: You are socializing with new people purposely?
Why yes, yes I am. I told you I have grown!

I admit, this may be one small step for your typical, well socialized human but it was one giant step for me. Yes, it was a step , ok, LEAP out of my normal, antisocial comfort zone, but I felt ready to do something new. I am happy to report I love it. I've been to several meet up events over the last few months and have enjoyed meeting new people and their kiddies. Of course, there are some ladies I feel more inclined to spend time with than others, but overall everyone has been welcoming and friendly. The group has offered Ian and I the opportunity for several outings a week but we generally only attend one or two. The bonus is, this keeps me from the other nasty habit I have to fill my time. Shopping. Granted, now that Ian won't ride in a cart anymore shopping no longer has the same appeal. What I like most about it is I now know of several moms whose company I really enjoy, but at each event there is the opportunity to meet new members so there is always the chance of making new friends. It seems the moms really bond on the Mom's Nights Out, which I have yet to join in on. I hope to soon.

A small subset of this moms group started a babysitting co-op. It is managed through the website www.babysitterexchange.com. We just started this up, but I think it is really going to work out well for us. Each member, once approved is alloted 40 points to start. Then, when you would like a sitter, you put out a request with the date, time, and how many children. The other moms in the group indicate whether they are available and you choose which one will watch your munchkin(s). The cost is 1 point per child per 15 minutes. So it ends up working as a trade. You earn points when you babysit for others and you pay points when someone babysits for you. It really is a great idea and as the group gets more used to using it, I think it is going to be really helpful to everyone that participates.