So much love

Ian has discovered a wealth of new found love for me in the last few days. As flattered as I am by the complexity of my little Oedipus, it has manifested in a few choice quotes. He has often addressed me as "sweet beautiful mommy" when he wants something, specifically when my first answer to his request was negative. Combine this with his tendency to abbreviate everything and I often get called "Sweet beauty" or, my favorite, "sweets".

Sunday I hear from the bathroom...

"Come check my bum sweets!" (When he says, "Get me a drink sweets?" I sort of feel like a diner waitress. But when used to beckon me to inspect for poo remnants, I am not really sure what I feel about that.)

Today on the ride home he was addressing me as "Sweet beauty" and I asked him why.

His response:
"Because you are sweet and beautiful. And you get me food." (Mommy Dearest?)

Followed up with a testament as to the extent of his love for me.

"I love you as big as the WHOLE world and all of Florida." ( That's alot! Considering my mommy resume includes ensuring proper bathroom hygiene and providing of sustenance, I think its just the right amount.)

iPeace

We decided to get Ian his own iPod. By that I mean an MP3 playing device that he calls an iPOD in the same way we call all tissues Kleenex.

It's been less than 12 hours since we gave it to him, and maybe I am speaking a little too soon but, YAY. We've had some of the quietest car time in 4 years.

Except for when he speaks. Because he does not yet understand that because there is noise in his ears, he is shouting when he talks. But I'll take it.

Ahhhhh, the sound of silence (in the car....)

My Little Entrepreneur

A few weeks ago, Ian and I were wandering around Ocean State Job Lot. My go-to place on very desperate, long rainy days when we just need to go somewhere to be out of the house.  At the check-out, Ian noticed a set of colorful pinking shears. He desperately wanted the "special scissors."   I explained that I didn't have money for them in an effort to ward off an all out meltdown.  He choked back tears and listened, so I kept talking. I told him he could have the scissors if he could figure out how to get some money to buy them. By the time we go to the car, he told me he wanted to sell ice tea at our upcoming yard sale in 2 weeks.  We discussed the business plan and after considering all the possible beverage possibilities, he decided on apple cider.

We talked about his first business frequently. He inquired as to when we were getting the cider and when the yard sale would be. He told everyone he was going to sell apple cider so he could buy  "special" scissors.  As the time drew closer, we counted the coins in his short-term (truck) savings bank. He had just under $3.00.  The scissors cost $4.00.  We spent time talking about coins and counting coins.  I considered going full-force with a real business model in which he was going to have to cover his own overhead, but as the time of the yard sale grew closer I realized I didn't have the time or energy to get into all that. I rationalized that the lesson would be over his head anyway to partly relieve my guilt on this shortcut. In retrospect I wish I had done it all the way, so as to not set a precedent. 

A few days before he worked on his letters as he colored and wrote out his own display.   The day before the sale we bought the cider and cups. I was happy to contribute the initial capital to a young start-up. We gathered his table, chair, and other necessities for his cider stand.  He repeatedly reminded me that he was in charge of the cider.  I was mighty impressed with his desire to own this operation.

The morning of the yard sale came. He set up his table. I plugged in the crock pot and poured the cider in and that pretty much concluded my contribution to his business. And then, 

Ian. Sold. Cider.  

He didn't sit passively, looking cute and hoping for someone to ask. He has his Dad's marketing skill. Asking nearly every yard sale patron if they wanted some cider, most couldn't resist.  Slowly and carefully, Ian served his cider. Everyone got "three dumps" from the ladle.  It was a bargain at $.25/cup.  In retrospect, I really did him a disservice at that price point because 2 days later I spent $3.00 for an identical cup of cider at Mystic Seaport. 

The next day we excitedly counted out his earnings. He earned about $5.00. With his short term savings, he had about $8.00 in total.  He asked if we could go to get his scissors on the way to Grammy's house. And this is when he melted my heart.  My thoughtful, sweet, generous son told me he wanted to get a pair of scissors for his cousin Natalie too. When I asked him why, he said because he thought she would like them. Swallowing over the lump in my throat, I quickly gave him his $1.00 allowance to bring him to $9.00.  I gave him a basic explanation of what sales tax is and he understood that he would need just over $8.00 to buy 2 pairs of special scissors. We agreed that the remaining coins would go into his long-term (dinosaur) savings bank. 

 

At the store, he navigated right over to the check out counter waited patiently for his turn at the counter.  Just over 2 weeks since the birth of his desire for the scissors, he bought them with the money he earned himself for that very purpose.  He was so proud!  I really admire his patience and commitment to running his cider business to get what he wanted, but I am most proud of his generous spirit. 

This was a great educational experience to guide him on. I can't wait to see this business model develop in complexity and depth as he matures and we get deeper in our home study.  So many lessons are included and with this project; art, business, math, marketing, research, writing, spelling, accounting and more.  It embodied many of the reasons I am attracted to homeschooling. Real-life, well-rounded, interactive learning using multiple skills. And it was fun too.  He is already planning his next beverage stand with lemonade and ice tea.

Natural Education

We've long been contemplating the benefits of a homeschool education for Ian. It does seem to be the direction we are heading for him.  As part of his education, we will participate in outside class situations as well, so pre-school is possibly on the horizon for him as well, though there is really only one that seems to embody my parenting and educational philosophies for a young child, in that it does not involve academics in any formal way.  Perhaps next year, as he is on the wait list for the program that is 2 mornings a week.   In order to get him into the practice of being away from me for short periods, I have tried a music class, and a musical story hour. Neither of them seem to appeal to him.  

Then, one day a few weeks ago he told us he wanted to be a Farmer when he grows up. He wants to sell cucumbers and tomatoes at a farmers market.  There is a beautiful organic farm in nearby CT that offers a pre-school program 2 mornings a month. So far, he has shown tremendous interest in the idea that he is going to go learn how to be a farmer, so we are signing him up.  I think that will fulfill the space (within me) that believes in order to be well rounded as a homeschooler, he should be ok with short periods learning from someone else. That's my thing and for now, I'm sticking to it.

During this time at home he has shown a natural affinity to animals and I am a strong believer in teaching him about the natural world as much as possible. To me, this would be the strongest back-bone in any education.  A love and appreciation for natural laws starting at a very early age seems to be the most instinctual way to facilitate his learning.  

This instinct seems to be in sync with Ian.  Yesterday, we visited our friend Kelly and her son Jack (11),  who is one of Ian's favorite people in the whole wide world.  They had creatively used a stack of magazines to create ramps to jump cars over.  When it was clean up time, Ian carried in a stack of the magazines; National Geographic. He asked if we could take them home to read.  At first I resisted (for some reason), but then Kelly pointed out that he would probably really like the beautiful photography.  I noticed that he had picked out 6 or so issues with animals on the cover. So I agreed.

He was so excited last night to "read" his magazines before bed.  Snuggled in my bed, we flipped through. I stuck mostly to captions of the photos to explain them.  He was so intrigued! The first issue was about wolves. In that one, it depicted how they were hunting a moose how they battled, and ultimately shared the kill, with a bear family.  I was thrilled with how much learning went on, from this layout of photos, we talked about the circle of life, natural selection (how wolves hunting moose keep both the wolves and the moose populations healthy),  and why wolves no longer live in our area and how there are now a lot of deer. This led into a discussion of how and why predators like wolves don't live here. He was introduced to the concept of a gun for the first time.  That was a scary moment for me at first, however I am so deeply grateful that *I* was the person who taught him what a gun was. It did not come from any TV show, movie, or another child.  In that explanation, I am hoping to lay the seeds of how much respect he should have for them.  With the understanding of what they do, he agreed that they are not toys.

What I have found most amazing about him is how when presented with any information that involves the natural order of things, including reproduction, hunting, and killing he accepts that information without fear.  Photos of wolves killing a moose intrigue him, but an animated scene of animal characters acting out the same thing scare him.  It seems that his little being accepts nature in all its extremes more readily than something fabricated in the human mind. He knows truth innately and responds well to honesty and directness in my explanations.  Two National Geographic magazines gave birth to a 45 minute learning space in the snuggled warmth of my bed.   

Yes, I think homeschool will work really well for us!

Ages and Stages

I'm intrigued by how Ian flows from one age and stage to the next as I observe him growing up.  There seems to be a definite shift in his development every so often. For three years I have noticed it about 2 months before his birthday in late November, with every other year being a little bit challenging followed by about a year of relative peace.  To put it another way, if he were the stock market, he has an up year with its minor fluctuations, followed by a down year with its more erratic fluctuations.  He flows from a docile "bull" to an angry "bear" and back again.

His first year, infanthood, was wonderful. In spite of a very rough patch from 2-6 weeks as we settled into a comfortable nursing relationship and his refusal to sleep for any length of time until he was 9 months old, overall I enjoyed it. I love infants with all their cuddliness.  As he passed his first birthday we entered into a more difficult several months.  I found 12-18 months to be extremely trying on us, when he was in the "I know what I want but can't verbalize it well" period.  He got frustrated. I got frustrated.  Around 18 months,  we started to see some glimmers of light on the horizon.  In the September before his 2nd birthday there was a shift into curious toddler as he entered the Fabulous Twos.

Two was such a great age. Full of curiosity and exploring, mimicking and following, but still very baby-like so everything was all just so cute.  Especially that little baby voice trying so hard to express himself.  Two was a pleasure all the way to the September before he turned 3.

Three has been a similar to the market that crashed around the same time.  All of a sudden he realized he didn't HAVE to listen and testing it became pretty much the norm.  The need to get attention became an art form and keeping my attention constantly, was on his daily agenda. The tantrums, when they happened, took a turn from frustration with a twist of desperation to an unleashing of anger, sometimes physically. I heard the words. "You are a mean mom" and "I don't like you" a few times. He's beaten his door with blunt objects and thrown things. Trying to bully and force his way with us and with friends was something he was trying out for a while.  Screaming demands, melting down,  and showing physical rage when upset was also something he experimented with to see how much reaction he could get. We've been those people in the grocery store.  The ones with the screaming kid at the check out line that pre-parentally we would have judged and ridiculed for not handling our child "correctly."  After being that mother more than once, I realized what is the right response for me and my son might be totally different than best response for another mother and child.  

About 6 weeks after his third birthday I concluded that I was now in the worst period of our relationship to date.  It was long. Then in about June, some glimmers of hope started to appear. A calmness and maturity. An ability to entertain himself started to happen more often.

Now, here we are two months before his fourth birthday and I am seeing a significant flow from testing the rules to living within them peacefully.  He loves to create, to "read" (he pretends to read by telling a story from the pictures), to explore, ask questions, and more often than not he behaves very well. As I have gotten to know him as a person, I realize he is a lot like me. He requires a full, detailed explanation before he'll be agreeable.  He is not a child that is ok with "I said so."  I never was either, so I understand this.  For example, he often attempts to distract me in the car by wanting this or that.  I explain that I can't get it, it is dangerous. That's not enough. He continues pestering.  For months this went on. I progressed to having to tell him we might get in an accident if I try to pick up a car off the floor behind me while driving. This reasoning is probably enough for most children his age. Not Ian.  So I explain in more detail, that we could get into a car accident and have to go to the hospital.  The asking and pestering continued for more months.  I tried this explanation a few weeks ago and he said, "You always say that" and then went on asking for whatever he dropped.  "You can reach it" he encouraged. Finally, I laid it out for him.  What EXACTLY might happen if we crashed the car.  We talk about life and death and all natural processes with him regularly so it was not unfamiliar but when I explained that we could die and not be together anymore if I was not a careful driver he replied, "Ok, Mom" and the backseat requests stopped.  Part of me was afraid I might have scarred him for life with that kind of blatant honesty and I wondered what kind of awful mom would say something like that to a 3 year old... That's when I realized he was like me. He needs a complete and thorough understanding of all the consequences before making his own decision in his best interest.  And the answer needs to resonate with him for him to concede and agree.  Wow, do I respect that about him, but boy does that make parenting more of a task for us!  Now if he asks me to fetch a cracker he dropped while on the highway and I say, "remember what I told you might happen if I am not a careful driver?" He instructs me that I should pull over and stop first.....

He's such a little boy now and its fun to have conversations with him about things, aside from the morose.  He loves to talk (and talk and talk and inquire and talk...)  It feels like 3 was about setting the standard of acceptable behavior and he had to test and check every which way to make sure there were no loopholes. It was exhausting as his parent but it seems like maybe we are entering into a period of peaceful at four.......and then will come five. 

I found it! I found it!

My higher purpose, that is.  

I kept thinking it was something other than what I am currently doing.  I thought maybe it was that I should be a chef. Or the owner of a juice bar and cafe, serving foods that nourish the body and the soul.  Or was it that I should be more seriously pursuing a living as a doula, supporting mothers as they transition into a new role with the new little spirit who chose them as a guide.  Or maybe I missed my higher purpose when I didn't go to Berklee College of Music. I stop just short of calling it a 'regret' but it is by far the biggest "what if" of my life.  Or maybe its growing spiritually by studying homeopathy.  Or maybe it is that I should be practicing homeopathy and helping others.  So much time pondering, wondering and being open to what it is I am supposed to be doing that serves myself and others in some divine way. Waiting for the light to shine and show me the way to my path of service. So much time has been spent trying this and that and then feeling like I wasn't doing enough, like I should be doing more or something different.

And then yesterday, I found it.  In one not-so-extravagant moment, it occurred to me.  I am already doing it.   I am blessed to be able to stay home and guide my child and help him grow. I am lucky enough to be here to create a home we can all enjoy, which sounds esoteric but is in reality laundry, meal preparation, errands and other various and sundry household activities.  I am the reason my husband can go out into the world and earn a living as much as he is the reason I am able to stay home and nurture our child.  I can't believe I wasted so much time, energy and money trying to find something that was right under my nose.  I am a mother. I am a wife. I am a thousand different things everyday.  And when I am not distracted by trying to find "what I am supposed to be doing,"  I love doing it too. 

So today I let go of things that pull me from this center. As time moves forward, and my family grows, and I evolve,  I expect that my high purpose will evolve too.   But for now, THIS is what I am doing.  It's a welcome relief to stop looking outside for something that is already here. Everything I need, I already have.

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

Today our Natural Moms group met to tour the Johnston Landfill and Recycling Center.  It was very educational for both the kids and the adults.  The main recycling facility has a learning center with activities for the kids, very children's museum-esque.  After bit of a lecture on recycling we went upstairs to watch the massive quantities of recyclables being picked through, sorted, and packaged up for resale to manufacturers.  Next we went on a bus tour of the landfill, which is an enormous grassy mountain covered in wildflowers. We learned all about how the run off water is filtered, cleaned and then brought back to cool the turbines that process the methane gas which is also captured and burned to generate electricity that supplies both the landfill and the remainder is sold back to the grid.   It was really an amazing facility and process to see as well as to really feel the impact of our consumerist society and the importance of minimizing our waste.  The tour guide did point out that the landfill also feels the effect of the recession because their traffic reflects our economy and how much the consumers are buying both by the amount of trash coming in and the amount of recyclables being bought.

Here were the main take away messages:

1. We all know this one, but please, if you don't already use reusable bags, then start. The single biggest problem for the environment are those stupid plastic bags that are illegal in many forward thinking countries.  I seriously hope our new government heavily taxes their use on the way to a complete ban.  If you do use them, we all forget sometimes or don't have enough, then use them for trash to weigh them down. The landfill has dozens of fences to catch them because the biggest issue they have is those bags flying around everywhere.

2. You can recycle milk and juice cartons but they recycle as an aluminum. (Pretty sure I heard that correctly.)

3. You cannot recycle pizza box bottoms (grease = contamination), soda/frozen food boxes that are shiny. They must go in the trash, or better yet reduce buying them.

4. Only #1 and 2 plastics are recyclable in RI. CT and MA recycle plastics #1-7. RI should start recycling all plastics by 2012.  The state goal is for RI to recycle 70% of its trash.  We are currently at 19% as a state.

5. Reuse as much as you can as often as you can. If it can be reused, pass it along if you have no need. Repair it. Try to reduce your portion of the 375 tons of trash per day (in RI alone!)

6. Compost as much as you can.  Whatever your current trash production for your house is, work on reducing it as much as possible by living life by the three R's as well as by composting.

What surprised me most about this learning expedition was how much Ian understood of it. He was very attentive and can tell you in his own way now what happens to the bottles and boxes he helps us put in our recycling bins.  

RI Resource and Recovery Center

Johnston, RI

http://www.rirrc.org/main.cfm

Brain Building vs. Brain Rot

My friend gave me a book, Endangered Minds: Why Children Don't Think- and What We Can Do About It.  I just started it last week and was immediately hooked. I still have a long way to go but the concepts, even in the first chapter or two are fascinating.  I've struggled with the whole concept of Ian and television. Should I allow it? Is it really that bad? Is it really harmless?  How much is too much?  So over the last year we have phased in a moderate amount of television time, usually about an hour on most days.  It's pretty limited to Curious George and Sid the Science Kid so there is some educational component.  Even this is concerning to me because it never quite sat right since I know that it certainly isn't adding value to his brain development.  Then I would reason that he is awake for 12 hours so what harm does 1 hour do? Ok occasionally it was more than 1 hour. The draw of TV is seductive to me too.  I'll just put on George so I can make dinner, I'd think.  Or worse, so I can check my email.  And other than his shows, the TV is rarely on during daytime hours.  It is saved for sickness or a stretch of inclement weather.

But then I read some of this book and realized how our children's ability to read and comprehend is quickly going down the crapper in this generation. The book includes fascinating observations from lifelong child educators and a smattering of examples of declining test scores. So in an effort to bring some balance to the TV watching in this house, I've decided on a potentially long term solution.  Ian may watch TV in equal time to how much we read together..and eventually how much he reads.  And night time stories do not count as they have always been part of our routine.  Ok, honestly long car rides also will not count, but using the Wii does get docked from earned book time minutes. I am sure in the future I will need to put a cap on the TV portion, but for now I figure this will inspire me to read more to my son and then also alleviate my guilt for allowing the boob tube for a bit of daily reprieve.  I'm reasoning that at least I will be helping build up some brain cells as fast as the brain rot tries to set in.  Ok, that may be a bit excessive but I do think that over time this practice will help keep in balance the whole TV issue, for both of us. . It will jut be The Way It Is.  Of course, I do have the hope that I will inspire in him a love for books and reading as the most intelligent people I have ever known are avid readers with impressive vocabularies. 

So this morning, when Ian awoke at a time no human should be awake which in our house is anytime before 6 am, instead of being cranky about it, I went and crawled in bed with him.  Figuring there was no time like the present, I suggested books.  He picked four and crawled up and we snuggled and read. We discussed the concepts, both obvious and abstract.  I tried to point out some lessons. Planting seeds of comprehension.  In no time 30 minutes had passed and he picked four more books.  So for one very enjoyable early morning hour, we enjoyed some quiet cuddling time reading and talking.  At one point he looked at me sweetly and said, "Thank you mommy for reading to me."  (Really, he did!) It was so genuine and touching so I know I am onto something. Maybe it will be our daily morning ritual.  A gentle way to connect and start the day. 

My Crystal Child

I posted a portion of this entry on my son's webpage.

Today's conversation with Ian was so moving. We spent the morning lounging around playing and talking. I love having conversations with him. I think maybe this morning I mentioned having a little belly ache but didn't think much of it. Then later we were resting on the couch and talking and he offered me one of his grapes.



"Grape Mommy?"

No thank you Ian.

"Mommy tummy hurts?"

A little bit.

"Shut eyes" he told me.

I shut my eyes and heard him kiss his hand and then felt him pat my arm. I opened my eyes.

"Eden pat mommy. All better. Mommy happy."

Touched by his sweetness I welled up a little and said,

You are such an angel.

He put his hands together and said,

"Eden angel hands."

I agreed, "Yes Ian you have angel hands."

He corrected me,

"All people angel hands."

Ian thinks all people have his healing angel hands.

I was so touched by this. He's such a beautiful spirit. He is often quick to kiss our adult boo boos when we get them or massage our backs. He gets worried and concerned when he sees other children crying and I explain they feel sad or have a boo boo. He usually runs to hug and kiss them. Unfortunately, other children don't often welcome Ian's affection because they want their own mama. I am trying to teach him other ways to effectively focus his great empathy and caring in these situations but love that his first desire is to help them by enveloping them in his own energy. He's a special little man.

I believe Ian is one of those special Crystal Children, coming to this place in the wake of the Indigo Children (I think I am one of these). I love those quiet moments we share when his light is shining so brightly. He's wonderous and I am lucky to have him here to teach me so much.


Excerpt from website link inserted in text: The Crystal Children will be more consciously aware of their direct contact to the divine. They will provide insight into our innate potential abilities and operate from a viewpoint of group consciousness. As they grow, the idea of ‘competition’ will seem strange. They will bring much love and unity to the people of Earth and radiate this in their beingness for others to see. The Crystal Children, who are born in the new millennium, will be attentive of their mission to bring a higher consciousness to the world. By the time they are young adults they will be at the forefront of shaping the new earth with their teachings and healing abilities; having benefited from the authority on Earth of the Indigos before them.